Shizuo's Weird Neighbor
by VioletDemon241
Summary: Shizuo gets a knock on his door from someone down the hall who needs to call the police. But as the neighbor explains her story on the phone, Shizuo realizes that maybe she is slightly insane.


**Top of the afternoon to ya ladies and gentlemen and others, my name is VioletDemon and welcome to ****Shizuo's Crazy Neighbor.** **I was inspired to write this after I watched one of Roosterteeth's old podcasts that had Michael Jones in it (Michael 'Rage Quit' Jones, in case you didn't know). He was telling an awesome story about having a crazy neighbor and I thought to myself, 'I should totally write a story of a story about this :)' So, if any of you are Roosterteeth/Achievement Hunter fans, then this story is for you. If you're not, that's alright because this was meant to make you laugh (at least, I hope it does).**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Durarara characters or Michael's podcast story. I only own my OCs.**

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Shizuo Heiwajima wasn't a big fan of video games, but after a recent incident involving a client and lemon meringue pie, Alicia seriously told him to chill out. So, she offered the idea of playing some video games (with her there, of course; she needs an excuse just to play) and that's what been going on for about three weeks. He likes it, but he wouldn't admit to Alicia that he fucking loves them.

Yeah, he's _that_ much of an asshole.

One random Friday night, Shizuo closed the door to his apartment with his foot, Modern Warfare 2 in his hands. Earlier on, he ran into Erika and Walker and they pestered him on buying a new game so he can play with Alicia more often. Sadly, he gave into their pestering and bought the damn game before going home.

He plopped onto his leather couch and took out his phone, quickly sending a text. [Hey, I bought MW2. Wanna hang out and play Co-Op?]

He waited before he got a reply. [Yeah, most definitely. Hey, I just got off work so I'll be there in half an hour, okay?]

He let himself smile a little bit. [Alright. I'll make you the nachos as always. See you till then.]

Shizuo flipped his phone shut and stared up at his ceiling. He sighed and closed his eyes. 'Half an hour huh? That's enough for a little nap, I guess...'

Rapid knocking on his door stirred him awake as he blinked in confusion. It wasn't stopping anytime soon; in fact, it became more desperate. So, he quickly stood up and walked over to the door to check through the peephole. "Who the fuck is this?"

A young woman stood on the other side, her long black hair covering a good portion of her face. She was extremely pale as her brown eyes dashed left and right. He unlocked his door and forced it open. "Yes, can I help-"

"Oh thank Kami, you answered!" She wrapped her arms around his slim frame, repeating the words "thank you" like a mantra. "I knocked on all the doors down this hall, but you're the only one who answered."

He immediately tensed up, his body frozen in place. 'Why the hell?' Once she let go, she played with her hair and though it was subtle, her knees were shaking. "I don't happen to know you, do I?"

She shook her head. "No, my name's Asami. I live in the apartment down the hall; I don't really show my face around here, so I can understand why you don't know me."

He noticed the way her fingers twitched and how she bit her lip. "Are you alright, mam?"

She jumped and fidgeted around even more. "Y-Yeah I'm good. Could you...could you um...can you call the police?"

An eyebrow rose up. "What why?"

"There's these guys that are in my apartment and I don't have a phone and I'm scared. They're wearing masks and have gasoline. Could you just call them please?"

Though he did find her a little strange, it pissed him off knowing that some punks were trying to take advantage of this poor young woman and were probably robbing her blind. However, she was hell-bent on calling the police, so he reached into his pocket and handed over his phone.

'I'm not going gonna do shit, but you can call them if you want,' is what he would've said but instead suggested, "I think it would be better if you did it."

"Thank you." She dialed 411 and spoke to the dispatcher. "Yes, can you send the police over?...There are people ruining my apartment for fucks sake!...Well, there are five or six of them, they're destroying my couch and I think they're trying to build a spaceship!"

Shizuo's jaw hit the ground, then he facepalmed and groaned out loud. 'She's fucking insane; I should've known. Oh fuck me...'

"But see, the weird thing is is that one of them-he's got **no body**!...No he's got a head, but he doesn't have a **body**." The lady noticed Shizuo's jaw drop again and nudged him in the shoulder. "Yeah, I thought it was pretty weird too!"

The fake blonde kept his mouth shut as he thought the situation over. 'Alright, so she's insane; better to play it cool or she might flip her shit.' So he forced himself to laugh and said, "Yeah, I mean 'fucking no bodies' am I right?"

She shrugged and continued to talk to the dispatcher. Shizuo took out a cigarette and lit it with his lighter before putting it in his mouth, inhaling that familiar nicotine into his system. Ten minutes passed by as the two stood in silence after she hung up and Shizuo soon saw the cops show up. "Thank fucking Christ..."

Five firemen came up the steps and followed the woman to her apartment. Shizuo pulled over one of them and the guy squeaked. "S-Shizuo Heiwajima!"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah that's my name-hey listen for a second." He toned his voice down and said, "Yeah, this chick's fucking insane. She was talking about a guy not having a body; just wanted to let you know that."

The fireman nodded. "Yeah, we heard that over the radio." He then ran off to meet back up with his coworkers.

Shizuo ran a hand down his face before he heard, "What the fuck is going on?"

He turned around; Alicia stood a few feet away from him, looking at the flashing lights down below. He grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside. "I'll explain later, just get inside; get inside now!"

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**And that does it for this one-shot of ****Shizuo's Crazy Neighbor****! I might be making more stories based off of the podcast stories in the future, but I don't know yet. But, if you liked it, PUNCH that review button IN THE FACE...LIKE A SON OF A BITCH! AND...like/favorite/follow if you enjoyed this. But seriously, THANK YOU GUYS...and I will SEE YOU...IN THE NEXT ONE-SHOT!**


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